“The Package”
“The thing about gifts is
that there’s always a person behind them.”
This was the kind of thing my mother would say. The thing about my mother and her
proclamations was that they could mean anything. Not that I knew what she was talking about
most of the time. And, that winter day
of my fifth birthday sitting in the kitchen with her, I can remember the
package sitting on the table with a large red bow – and silver foil paper. There was snow falling outside, the pretty
kind, fat wet flakes that were hiding the cars parked across the street and
making the stick of the tree outside the apartment sparkle.
I wasn’t sure when the
package had arrived but it was clear it was for me. What wasn’t clear was whether I would get it
or not. It depended. I watched her face. “Yep, there’s always
somebody behind a present.” She looked at me then, flushed and her hand holding
her hair back from her face. Of course,
then I could see, by the glitter in her eyes, that it was not going to be a
happy birthday. I just didn’t have any idea how bad it was going to get.
She wasn’t always like
this. It had something to do with when
she drank, or what she drank. Because
even that didn’t have any sense to it.
Sometimes when she drank red wine, so dark it was almost purple she’d
cuddle and smile in that sleepy grin she had and we had some great nights. On one of those nights I slept in bed with
her all night. “A pajama party.” She
called it. In the morning, she told me
she had no idea why I was “such a little shit, that I had to ruin her sleep by
coming into her room.”
But, that was my mother. The really bad, times were when drank
vodka. I think that was the first word I
could read. She kept it in the freezer
so it was nice and cold, and she always started out happy – sometimes she even
sang – more than three times she danced and once with me in her arms. That morning of my fifth birthday was a vodka
birthday and the only thing that could turn my mother faster was the mention of
my father. I don’t know why he came that
morning, what made him think that anything would be any different, but he
did. I was just getting to the point of
deciding that the glitter in her eyes and her face getting red was all adding
up to trouble. I was trying hard not to
give her any reason to turn the anger that I knew was boiling up in her onto
me. I kept my eyes away from the package, even though she had put it right there
in the middle of the table. And all of
sudden there was knock on the door – a hard knock that sounded like a drum
beat. I can tell you my heart was
beating hard, anyone’s would be beating hard if you saw my mother’s face.
I like how the story only occurred in a moment, but it still said so much about the past and the future for the little girl.
ReplyDeleteOh Maxie - thanks for stopping - just thought I'd try my hand...
ReplyDeleteJust lovely, Pearl. You do so well with the short form, which is one of the most difficult. Yay!
ReplyDeleteOh - this had me on the edge of my seat the whole time, and I kept expecting the bad stuff to come entirely from the mother (which in some respects, I guess it does) but the ending still took me by surprise ... poignant, succinct - very well done anniversary gal.
ReplyDeleteYou did such a great job of taking us inside her head, Pearl! Wonderful story.
ReplyDelete