Saturday, September 21, 2013

The Unblown Dandelion


2510-1275383155zmS5.jpg  The Big Dandelion by Lebin Yurly  



The Unblown Dandelion

held in tenuous fingers
under pursed lips I stand
as 

peering claws pile secret stories
loosed to stirred
spirits flight
sweet sluiced
slipping as sliced apples
scented clues of abandon’s avenue
fall about in puffed showers of fluff –
these three kittens
magic-mystic-mad in their cradle of rash joy
tumble 
as I stand
in awed exile
irrevocably delighted

the Unblown Dandelion
quiver-brushes my opened-lips
wet-released-dreams-ready for
elated exhale
  
Now....
~

or version 1 - last night - tighter:

peering claws pile secret stories
spirits fly like sliced apple scented clues
falling about in a shower of fluff –
these three little kittens
mystic mad in the cradle of rash joy
I stand in awed exile
irrevocably delighted







11 comments:

  1. Oh I like "magic-mystic-mad in their cradle of rash joy." Like that elated exhale, too. Well wordled, Pearl!

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  2. V1 works well, but 2 makes some really good sounds when read aloud...

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  3. =^..^= =^..^= =^..^=
    Kittens tumble through your words "in their cradle rash of joy." Love this!

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  4. Nicely done...especally the second.

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  5. I love the sssssssssounds in this poem, Pearl. There definitely is something magical when one holds an unblown dandelion in one's hand, just waiting to blow....

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  6. I like both version. Lovely writing, Pearl.

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  7. I loved both poems with the delightful image of the kittens tumbling about but, yes, the second one says it all, and tightly.

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  8. Enjoyed them both, but the dandelion really captured me!

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  9. Like both but the second is definitely tighter or more compact. Love the dandelion images, waiting for the release of one exhalation.

    Elizabeth

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  10. Those playful dandelion fairies do indeed remind one of kittens.

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