on heaven's peak
he peeked
he peeked
teetering on toothpick bones
trembling in the wild bend
of rock-retreat
unstable filament fledging bird
unstable filament fledging bird
borne into sun-smeared-dawning
on heaven's peak
having fallen and recent-
risen-soaring-panting-tiny
feathered breaths of
wonder at the lucious spread
of highway, lane, meadow-marsh-savannah,
sand-ice-tropic-ocean shimmered seas -
sand-ice-tropic-ocean shimmered seas -
bright-blink-eyed-
between then and now on the precipiced bridge
of crescendoed pounding wonder -
between then and now on the precipiced bridge
of crescendoed pounding wonder -
whispering - whispering
to all in brilliant below whirl ....
whispering - whispering - whispering
in incredulous possibility
whispering - whispering - whispering
in incredulous possibility
Heaven's peak?
Love your word usage in this poem (ie 'unstable filament fledgling bird'), Pearl, and the way it goes full circle and ends with a question!
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you Mary for your careful reading I am delighted that you enjoyed the particular word usage - always dicey to know if one is becoming too precious - but this is where the words quickly took me and I followed.
Deletewe all want to get to that peak:)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYes! Don't we? ! Thank you so very much for stopping and commenting.
DeleteWhat you describe is what I imagine Icarus saw, just before he plunged into the sea...
ReplyDeleteA Weird Quartet
Oh MMT - how delicious - what a comparison! Thank you so much for stopping by :)
DeleteWonderful imagery! This is a great poem to read out loud.
ReplyDeleteThank you - Delighted that you enjoyed and feel that it would translate well read out loud. :)
DeleteOh Pearl! This is a beautiful. It reminds me of pieces of Whitman's Songs of Myself. I love it, and shall read it to Len when he wakes (much later). Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOh Brenda - Thank you! Whitman and Song of Myself particularly one of my all time favorites! To be mentioned in same breath made my (mhmm) week? month? - lol- year?! Awwww - thanks happy you enjoyed :)
DeleteThat rush of words is very Whitman-ish...
DeleteIt also fits the subject - A breathless experience - imagine flying for the first time!
OH MY again - Marian - If I were forced to pick a poet - only one poet - it would be Whitman - I have never been so compared. THANK YOU for stopping and I deeply appreciate your comment :)
DeleteThe first flight must be phenomenal. You captured that brilliantly.
ReplyDeleteAh thank you Talon - and with your name you should know - lol. Appreciate your very complimentary words deeply. :)
DeleteDefinitely a high!
ReplyDeleteand then after all the pomp and head swelling comments there is Stanski- right to the point in your own unique way! Thanks so very very much :)
DeleteEspecially enjoy your use of alliteration and repetition .It gives your poem the rhythm of a song. Tanka Whirl
ReplyDeleteHow very very sweet - I am absolutely delighted that you hear the rhythym ... Thank you for stopping and for your wonderful comment:)
Deletevery col use of descriptors...i like your linking of them with hyphens as well...the sun-smear...ha...cool visual...the whole run of 'meadow-marsh-savannah,
ReplyDeletesand-ice-tropic-ocean shimmered seas' is very cool...
Aw thank you Brian - delighted that you enjoyed the style :)
DeleteI felt like I was flying on his wings as he saw the glorious view........fantastic write! Love the "tiny feathered breaths of wonder".
ReplyDeleteAwww Sherry - If I could take you with me - I am simply thrilled - Thank you so very very much :)
DeleteYour word choice is always so wonderful--beautiful write!
ReplyDeleteAudrey - I am deeply touched by your comment and thrilled that you have stopped by :)
DeleteAlso Gerard Manley Hopkins-ish, Pearl--the unusual use of language, the hyphenated, coined phrases . . . Very nicely done!
ReplyDeleteOH MY - such comparisons have my heart beating fast ... Thank you deeply, broadly, profoundly :)
DeleteNicely done Pearl. I wonder if that's what a fledgling albatross feels when it firsts launches off the cliffs and possibly doesn't return for a few years. (PS, isn't it a pain to write using hyphens? I'm always pressing the space bar...lol)
ReplyDeleteThank you Veronica - I suppose it is my rebellion - when writing in other genres - I drive editors up the wall with hyphens! Thank you so very much for stopping and commenting :)
DeleteNot to sound like a teen - but - I must say - must I? Yes I must ...
ReplyDeleteOMG ... some of the comments and comparisons here are just so deeply gratifying I hardly know where to begin - and if I were to begin - I wouldn't be able to end - THANK YOU - Whitman/Hopkin -ish? ... be still my heart ... on second thought ... not a terrific wish for oneself... keep on beating fast, and gratefully with enormous appreciation for each comment and careful reading - I am simply delighted !
Each of nature's creatures have attributes that the others crave and none more so that mankind's craving to fly and feel that exhilaration you describe so well in your poem. Our poor copy with mechanical aids does little to satisfy our lust for flight and makes us even more envious especially when you describe it so well.
ReplyDelete:-)
ReplyDeleteZQ
feathered breaths of wonder - great description of our breath when in awe! Beautifully written and now you can shout shout shout with joy from heaven's peak!
ReplyDelete