Through
the window she wrote carefully in intimate large rounded letters
“I love you”
Written
across the reserves of a Serengeti plain on little girl stationary placed as a
talisman against her still
planed chest –
all part of that fearsome summer when a chesty outsider arrived
to steal him
away as
the summer heat arrived to use her,
to heat
her with a strange aching burning
as she
watched from her child’s bed
watched
their late-night sprees in the grass behind his house under her bedroom window
her
aching for him as futile as a whispered wish for the Serengeti sun to
light the
navied night with equatorial blaze
I can feel the passion seething in this and that last line is so original and brilliant, well done.
ReplyDeleteThe color of the photo is wonderful and matches the words you have chosen.
ReplyDeleteWish this had been a short story. Caught my attention, for sure.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annell -funny you should comment so - ... Have bern recently thinking of using a bunch of poems as core for short stories ... :)
ReplyDeleteInteresting characters in this poem - the girl with the 'still planed chest,' the 'chesty outsider' and 'him,' whoever he was....but obviously was much much desired. I agree that this would make a good short story!
ReplyDeleteLovely!
ReplyDeleteLove the idea of the words "written" on the window against the Serengeti plains.....and especially love your closing lines.
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DeleteDr. Pearl Ketover Prilik (PKP)March 10, 2013 at 6:58 PM
Thank you Sherry -much appreciated and humbled by your kind comments :)
A great vignette of wistful love, Dr Pearl.
ReplyDeleteI agree with those who said it could be the makings of a short story. Although you give us the pertinent details and the poem is fine, this reader wants more,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/haiku-conversation/
Sweet - that these images have left the desire for more... Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteYour words roll around on my tongue to be savoured. I have read this over and over, for sheer pleasure.
ReplyDeleteAwww Rosemary - you hold a very special place in my heart, and in the deepest well of my respect. I feel in many ways as though we are kindred spirits and so - a comment as wonderful as this fills me with delight and sends me off to sleep with a smile on lips that say - truly thank you. I am thrilled to have brought you some small pleasure :)
ReplyDeleteThe summer break is when a lot of growing up is done...
ReplyDeleteI read it not realising it was inspired by a wordle, a fact which adds to my admiration. An excellent response - and the final three lines the best wine kept until the end.
ReplyDeleteDavid - what a lovely comment - much appreciated - thank you for stopping and I certainly invite you to follow :)
ReplyDeleteUtterly precious!
ReplyDeleteI love the `navied night'. Beautiful.
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