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LIMERICKS

MAD KANE'S LIMERICK-OFF
WEEK OF JUNE 10th


  1. A woman was holding a rose
    A surprise for one of her beaus
    But she got the surprise
    When her beau did arise
    From a nooner with her cousin’s toes
  2. A woman quite often arose
    From bed with her throat shut tight close
    And gasping would shout
    What is this all about
    As her husband smiled in a feigned doze
  3. A fellow who frequently rows
    Shouted, I like sound of bellows
    Since I can’t get hands on one
    Might as well have some good fun
    Cleaning my ears and the air as I blows
  4. A woman reserved sev’ral rows
    For friends at her kids dancing shows
    Was quite red in the face
    Guarding all of this space
    She slunk out before house lights arose
  5. A man was involved in some rows
    Involving some pink and white bows
    Police were called to the scene
    He maintained he had been
    Trying a line of optional clothes

WEEK OF APRIL 1 MAD KANE'S LIMERICK-OFF

A gal who was rather ill-bred
Gave a toot on her horn as she said
I've come honest to blarney
Born of Rufus and Marney
When measles took them both to their bed 



WEEK OF MARCH 4th MAD KANE'S LIMERICK-OFF



  1. A fellow was planning his flight
    off to subterranean light
    Yet as he started the car
    His wife trilled from afar
    You’ll have a much better time HERE tonight :)
  2. a woman was planning her flight
    three weeks worth of tossing all night
    the day finally arrived
    she lost courage and dived
    duvet snuggling with all of her might
  3. a fellow was planning his flight
    to a far off island paradise site
    he got far as his car
    when he stuck in the tar
    unable to make leaving his family right
  4. a woman was planning her flight
    into the arms of a lover that night
    perfumed and dressed
    she suddenly stressed
    grabbed her husband and quickly undressed
  5. Obama was planning his flight
    from filibuster to a fair fight
    Yet they were not ready
    To stand straight and steady
    He sat in the Lincoln bedroom all night
  6. Michelle was planning her flight
    in her dreams running to fight
    Bane o’er reasoned debate
    Shook him til called her mate-
    “Wake up! You’ve been boss-turning all night”



WEEK OF MAY 21st MAD KANE'S LIMERICK OFF....


A woman who tried to persuade
A banker to come to her aid
Got no help with a loan—
Not so much as a bone.
No bucks for her horse bus’ness. Nayed!
                                      Madeline Kane


A fellow who tried to persuade
Into a rumpled bed a young maid
Received a short no
From a face all aglow
Fresh sheets might have helped him g’laid
 ~

A fellow who tried to persuade
His gal on a carnival scale to be weighed
Was slapped hard instead
About the air and his head
Ne’re again a suggestion in public he made

 ~

A woman who tried to persuade
Her husband that this guy named Slade
Was just friend
Well did not end  
Facing a check memoed SERVICES PAID

~










International day of woman it is
honor by each her and his
Remember this day
no matter which way
all born from a womb not a whiz 

 Now whizzes essential tis true
In getting things started on cue
Yet a shout and a squirt
Are but a blipped  blurt
On the landscape that brought you to you

*************

17 comments:

  1. A woman who ran a campaign
    To seduce her neighbor's man main
    Was alarmed and annoyed
    At being quite toyed
    Won the bum, six kids, and a postcard from Spain

    ReplyDelete
  2. A woman who ran a campaign
    To clean up the streets stinky drain
    Was flushed red in the face
    When city published end of the case
    Hubby's condoms had clogged up the main

    ReplyDelete
  3. A woman who ran a campaign
    To oust her neighbor's Great Dane
    Was chagrined and quite red
    When her college son said
    Was not a dog but a frat prank poo lain

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi - Eyes closing but wanted to give some a try…
    ******************************************************************************

    A man who was partial to gin
    Was a rummy known to all friends and kin
    When implored please to stop
    Up he’d sloppily hop
    Shouting “What’s wrong with some cards! Shut your din! “

    *****************************************************************************
    A man who was partial to gin
    Delighted from end back to begin
    A concerned hand on his arm
    Would trip in him an alarm
    Having him run circles with a half in bag grin

    ******************************************************************************
    A man who was partial to gin
    Decided a gams contest he’d win
    Even though he was a guy
    Thought this block he’d get by
    His ginned mirror told him his legs a shoe in

    ********************************************************************************
    A man who was partial to gin
    Tonic never did he ever begin
    Took it straight down
    Any way else was for a clown
    Till his lady the White Rock Queen contest did win

    A man who was partial to gin
    Said I’ll beat you hands down and then win”
    Took a hammer and pounded
    As the poor other guy bounded
    From this literal lush all yang and no yin

    ******************************************************************************

    ReplyDelete
  5. A gal who was terribly shrill
    Said finally, “Okay! Yes! Yes! I will!”
    But when it came time
    She turned on a dime
    Shrieking “STOP!” - at the now softened Bill.

    ReplyDelete
  6. MAD KANE WHINY LIMERICK OFF - WEEK OF 9-23-12


    A fellow who tended to whine
    Inveigled a girl with a line
    I can’t help it you see
    My brother metaphorically taught me
    That seduction is all on the vine


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoops the following was first:

      A woman who tended to whine
      Was surprised by her guy’s snappy line
      “If you don’t shut your yap”
      You will find quite a gap
      Cause you’re driving me straight out of my mind”

      Delete
  7. MAD KANE - 9-23-12

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Why can’t it my words work into a line
    Instead they stammer
    With no shred of glamour
    And no woman in bed that is mine


    ReplyDelete
  8. MAD KANE - Week of 9-23-12
    A woman who tended to whine
    Was raised as a princess divine
    Thought she should be granted
    Whatever whim she greedily panted
    Stuck them all through the heart with a tine

    ReplyDelete
  9. MAD KANE - WEEK OF 9-23-12
    A man tended to whine
    Why is this not for our gender just fine
    All the time women do it
    Expecting sparkling goodies and no shit
    Yet when we plead all we get is our asses to shine

    ReplyDelete
  10. MAD KANE - Week of 9-23-12

    A woman tended to whine
    “Why when we’re apart do you not pine”
    He said “All I can savor and hear,
    when you’re not with me my dear”
    Is sound of the thoughts that are mine

    ReplyDelete
  11. MAD KANE - Week of 9-23-12

    A woman who tended to whine
    Foxy news is fair balanced and fine
    All the others out there
    Have those facts laid out bare
    Which just get in the way of the Divine

    ReplyDelete
  12. MAD KANE - Week of 9-23-12

    A man who tended to whine
    Pulled his few hairs at the following line
    “If they cannot afford college tuition
    Let them ask their parents to kick in
    Mine did. Don’t “their’s” want them to shine?”

    ReplyDelete
  13. MAD KANE- week of 9-23-12

    A woman who tended to whine
    Forgive me for so many not fine
    Was a long day of visits to MDs
    Needed to wash away hee-bee-jees
    Unfortunately, I fear you all reaped the brine

    ReplyDelete