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Saturday, September 22, 2012

Out of the damp


8
Lightning Strike by Mark Coldren
a Public Domain photo



Out of the damp





She had been toiling since dawn in the gray leaf-falling damp
Trapped, but a husk of her imagined life riding a no-exit ramp

Sometimes she shook herself hard, willing her sodden soul to awake
Futilely attempting to bring up her lip corners for her own sorry sake

On that gray morning dragging bundles of laundry to hang
She climbed the small hill and watched as fire-bolts sang

Sang in her heart at the fast coming storm sky
Count to fifty, with eyes shuttered, then a self promised goodbye

Her eyes were still closed, only twenty-eight did the fifty count gain
When she was promptly incinerated, only her ash in a wide spread grin, did remain  

~





16 comments:

  1. Wow! you took that one to the limit. The last line is pure horror story, and very visual. Clever writing.

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  2. Perhaps a quick enidng is best?

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  3. Yikes! This is amazing...especially that last line. Excellent!

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  4. I love this one, Pearl. I thought the words might lead some of us into darkness, but I never imagined a wide spread ash grin. Whatever remains will be blown away in the wind. :)

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  5. Deliberate self-destruction, and that with a grin. Very well-written.

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2012/09/23/darkening-echo/

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  6. This is blackly humorous - at least to me - there are lots of worse ways to end, I think, then in a wide-spread ash grin ...
    nice finale to a trudging life.

    http://seingrahamsays.wordpress.com/2012/09/22/releasing-an-angel/

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    Replies
    1. Whew - thought I blew the humour - glad you enjoyed :)

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  7. I really liked 'fire-bolts sang' - a staggering punch line ending!

    I'm here:
    http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/09/sunday-whirl-75-nuts-and-bolts.html

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  8. Wow! As the others have said, Pearl. Unexpected ending.

    Pamela

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  9. Hello dear fellow "wordlers" ... I deeply, deeply appreciate your stopping by and your comments and will visit those I have missed in turn. I did intend this one to be a bit of dark humor... a little naughty play on "ash" and this bored toiling woman's "-ss" never quite getting out of town...A joke, that needs to be explained is not very effective :( On the other hand a poem is not quite a joke and I am always, always delighted in the ways in which the words that come to me from who knows where are interpreted by those who honor me with their reading and comments! THANK YOU ONE AND ALL AGAIN!!! :)

    In fact I started to rewrite the last two lines (see below) to be a bit more clear about my intentions but left the original intact....

    *************
    alternate last lines

    Her eyes were still closed, never reached fifty when she'd leave as she had planned instead disappearing into the air so suddenly thin

    Promptly incinerated - her 'ash' did remain left forever behind - but at least she was spread into a wide open grin

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  10. love the macabre humor in this, and your rhymes were delightful.....can you tell I am a ghoul? lol

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  11. I so enjoyed this read - it offers itself to that funny (eerie) bone of life and to the finality of that grin.

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